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And even though I tried, it all fell apart
God only gives us tests which we will one day be able to overcome. That is why someday your wounds will heal and the day will come when you will overcome your suffering. And when that happens, I want to be there to see you smile from the bottom of your heart.
- Mikage Celestine ; Kapitel 41
Stress.
Saturday, 23 November 2013, 2:30 am
My stress levels are off the hook. There's so many things that I have to worry about right now. There's school matters as well as family matters that I have to deal with soon enough. I can't express the amount of unhappiness I have inside my heart but I refuse to show it. I have to many things on my mind that I just can't seem to relax. Friendships are beginning to turn shaking and I have to say, I'm not very proud of it.

I'm so caught up with my own bullshit that I can't tolerate others. Just a little thing someone says and I'll blow. I feel lethargic every single day and my body aches. I sometimes have trouble sleeping sometimes causing me to feel more tired. School is getting in the way of my sleep and I'n not happy about this. It causes my tolerance level to others to drop significantly. I can't seem to feel with anyone's bullshit right now.

Everything seems to piss me off. I've probably been hostile to over 5 people right now and it's not funny at all. Most of them are my project mates. Their first impression of me must be total shit and I don't blame them. I was really in a foul mood this morning and I couldn't seem to shake it off.

It's rare that I show my part of my foul mood in class. It takes a lot, that's for sure. I don't like coming to class with a foul mood that I got at home. I feel it's stupid and it causes people around me to feel awkward as fuck but today, I couldn't control it at all. My foul mood went away completely after I finished my presentation. It was as if one burden was off of my back and I could focus on other presentations and projects.

Here I am, ranting at 2.30am in the morning because I can't seem to sleep. Maybe meeting them later in the afternoon can cheer me up. I hope it does because I don't want this foul mood to continue any longer.



Forgive but never forget.
Tuesday, 12 November 2013, 10:15 pm

Who knew I'd make a blog post right now right? I didn't think I'd update but I've been doing a little thinking. About school, about life and so much more. After reading a few things here and there, I finally decided. Why not rant a little here. After all, this blog was created for such a thing. 

Sometimes I wonder, is forgiving the best solution? Personally, I tend to forgive people even if we end up having the biggest fight in history. I find myself hanging on to that tiny shred of hope, thinking maybe we could patch things up. I try and salvage whatever is left of the friendship, in hopes that we could rebuild it and start over but now I start to think: is it really worth my time? I love my friends, each and everyone of them dearly but is it worth the time and effort to fight for a friendship that was never meant to be saved? What if one side doesn't want to patch things up?

After all, it takes two to tango. I'm sick of getting pushed around like some rag doll. I'm not some toy you play with. I'm not your fucking backup either. Treat me as a proper human being. I have feelings too if your haven't noticed it yet. I may forgive you, but never expect me to forget the shit you've done to me.

I shall be perfectly honestly with all of you. I'm still on edge due to my previous fallout with a friend. It left a pretty bitter taste in my mouth as well as my other friends. I'll have to say I've been childish. I've been ignoring shit I'm not supposed to and I end up thinking of writing such hostile things but I end up not wanting to. I don't want to make things worse than it already this. Then again, I tend to hold pretty strong grudges when I want to and this would be a perfect example. Taking words seriously, refusing to come to the terms that we could patch up with that little shred of hope. I'm on the fence on this. Is it worth the time or an investment on something that I'll never get results from? Life's never fair. You'll never know what's going to happen. It's a gamble you take everyday. Maybe I'm just being a bitch about this, I don't really know.

 Friendships are hard to maintain. Hard, but worth the investment because in the past few years I've found people that I treasure so much. These treasures are irreplaceable to me. The very few that has stuck through the hell I've given them over the years  and yet see the good in me.

With them around, an unfair life doesn't affect me. And with that, my post comes to an end. Good night.